I AM NOT A TOURIST

July 20, 2017

Sometimes you just know someone has a beautiful soul just because of the beauty that flows through them. Rupi Kaur is one of those people. Her book Milk & Honey is a heart wrecking collection of prose that screams of refreshing honesty. I can write pages and pages of reflection on each poem, but this particular one...it met me and said "stay awhile".

DID YOU THINK I WAS A CITY
BIG ENOUGH FOR A WEEKEND GETAWAY
I AM THE TOWN SURROUNDING IT
THE ONE YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF
BUT AWAYS PASS THROUGH
THERE ARE NO NEON LIGHTS HERE
NO SKYSCRAPERS OR STATUES
BUT THERE IS THUNDER
FOR I MAKE BRIDGES TREMBLE
I AM NOT STREET MEAT I AM HOMEMADE JAM
THICK ENOUGH TO CUT THE SWEETEST
THING YOUR LIPS WILL TOUCH
I AM NOT POLICE SIRENS
I AM THE CRACKLE OF A FIREPLACE
I'D BURN YOU AND YOU STILL
COULDN'T TAKE YOUR EYES OFF ME
CAUSE I'D LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL DOING IT
YOU'D BLUSH
I AM NOT A HOTEL ROOM I AM HOME
I AM NOT THE WHISKEY YOU WANT
I AM THE WATER YOU NEED
DON'T COME HERE WITH EXPECTATIONS
AND TRY TO MAKE A VACATION OUT OF ME

I have that wanderlust spirit and that vagabond heart. I'm always looking for the "next big adventure". Staying still only long enough to feel the breeze but never to form relationships. Partially that's probably commitment and trust issues. The other side of that coin was never really having that feeling of "home".

So let's get vulnerable. This post wasn't written in a day. From the time that I started this post to the evening that I decided to finish it up, I've struggled with how I downloaded this poem. When I said this poem said "Stay awhile", I wasn't being quippy. It really wanted me to swim through the waves and past the undertows. It wanted me to climb mountains and gaze at waterfalls. I needed to experience it fully to really understand what it meant for my life right now.

We never thought we'd stay. We thought we were called to head west in that moment and at that time. And we were crushed when we realized we needed to stay put for a season. Even though we know the call is still there. But even before that, we never planted roots. We are explorers at heart. Traveling outside the bubble and had our hearts and bellies filled with everything the the world had to offer.

After leaving the church we met at, we church hopped. A LOT. Until we found a "home church". But we felt like outsiders. We couldn't commit to serving. We used the west coast as an excuse and soon after, we left. Fast forward almost a year. Now we're at this new church with old (and new) friends. And it's refreshing.

But I wonder, if throughout all those years of church hopping to even now, if God has been yelling this poem at me from the top of the mountains. As if He was using a thunderous roar to get my attention until I finally listened. I had to stop for a second, surrender, and make room for a church body to become a resident in my life. While I know this poem is about fleeting relationships, and I can interpret this with false friendships and relationships in the past, I think it's telling me that "home" was always with Him. Not a place. Not a building. Nothing flashy. Not a show. It is honest and raw. It says "Come as you are. Welcome Home."

How could I be a tourist when I have found a home in Him? The longitude and latitude may change in the future. But for now, for this season, I'm here.

MOUNTAINS

May 19, 2017

I've been thinking about mountains a lot lately.

Maybe it's that PNW weather that came through the past week. Or maybe it's my inherent need to not be stuck behind a desk because I would rather be exploring. But, I'm thinking it's just the season that many people around me are going through. Many people in my life have been dealing with some sort of change. Husby just left a pretty stable job for a pretty awesome one that will help him grow. Others are just going through a season of unsteadiness, in their jobs, relationships, and the all too common "adulting" struggles.

SO WHAT DO MOUNTAINS HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?

Valleys are usually used to represent struggles in our life. But without those valleys, we wouldn't have mountains and I think the ascent is so much harder. And while I haven't climbed a mountain like Everest, I have experience my fair share of switchbacks and steep scrambles to honestly tell you: it's hard. But it doesn't have to be.

You can learn a lot from hiking mountains. You realize, with practice, you can build endurance for the climb. You know how to be better equipped (water / snacks / shoes). And with every ascent, you learn a new way to approach the trail.

Lately, my mountain has been "boldness". This mountain has two peaks. Two struggles that I've been facing in both hands.

I do not like being the center attention. I would rather be behind the scenes. So of course, anxiety struck me when it came to the days before my bridal shower. This was the first peak. I kept busy with prep and work. And found comfort in husby hugs. The day went as smoothly as it could (albeit: rain and an interesting wait staff). It was a beautiful day with friends and family that I'm thankful for.

The second peak was a boldness in faith. Funny enough, it coincided with a devotional about the Psalms of Ascent and my church's new sermon series: Summer Soul. This climb has been a lot evaluating and focusing on what kind of Christian I am to be. I have never lied about my faith to those who have asked, but I never shout it off the mountain tops either. I am not one of those Evangelizers on the corner flaunting their faith down a passerby's throat. I am private about my beliefs because I understand that love and grace is a better language. I hoped that my life and my actions are representation enough of being a Christian. But digging deeper, I know I was blessed with the talent of words that I can't be silent.

"Quiet Boldness" has been a phrase that has been sticking with me over the past few days. Quiet is not silent. It's gentle, calm, and ensuring. It's building up those around you so can climb their mountains with them. It's being a vessel to let something bigger to move and work through you. It's being strong and steady in knowing who and whose you are.

ENDURANCE : Strong Faith // EQUIPMENT : The Word

What are the mountains you are facing? Do not be afraid of the climb. It will be difficult, but you are not alone. Push onward. Make your mark. The views from the top are definitely worth it.

PEDALS & PETALS

March 23, 2017

The name of this post is a total rip off of husby's shop on Reverb: Pedals for Pedals. Technically I didn't steal it since I came up with the name for him. He was in the process of selling off some unused guitar pedals so he can get a new set of wheels. Now that the shop is empty, I'm counting down the days till we can start our little bike gang.

SO WHY "PETALS"...

Over the past two weeks, the Pennsylvania Horticultural Society hosted the annual Flower Show. Almost every year, I get in some good family time with my parents and look at all the exhibits with them. This year was no different. With past themes of National Parks, London, and even Disney and Pixar, it's hard to compete! Although not as lavish as years past, "Holland" showed an unconventional beauty that stole my heart.

Of course there was a fair share of tulips and bicycles all around. If you're a Philly native, you have probably seen videos of the bicycle fountain filling your Insta-story feed. There was a wall filled with statement pieces that married floral arrangements and bicycle wheels into beautiful sculptures. And let's talk about the AWE INDUCING INSTALLATION that is a wedding day dream come true: waves of flowers crashing and engulfing you in their beauty.

I especially found a kinship to the installations that focused on food (I am an inner fatty with a homesteader heart). As much as I love to support local farmers, I take notes on how the Netherlands treats food culture. I don't mean restaurant culture, but agriculture. The Dutch are able to be the largest exporter of produce while also creating sustainable, healthy food and respect nature all at the same time. It gives me hope that local farmers will incorporate this knowledge and how "the man" that real food is the good stuff and can be profitable without cutting corners. Although not a main theme at The Flower Show, it still left its mark on me. Live walls gave inspiration to vertical gardening. A beekeeper teaching their buzzworthy ways. Vendor tastings of delicious sprouts has me creating new recipes in my mind (Bull's Blood Beet Microgreens will LEGIT change your life).

SO WHO'S DOWN FOR A BIKE RIDE?

MISTY MOUNTAIN

January 29, 2017

You know when life just gets ahead of you? That's how January felt like. Even through the country's unrest, this month has been a big ball of uneasiness, anxiety, and hope. My heart breaks for what is going on, but we will not be unheard. We will save our forests and protect our lands. We will continue to love people with honest hearts. And we will speak boldly with soft tongues to produce fruitful conversations and not condemnation...well at least that's my hope for the coming years.

BUT TO BRIGHTEN UP THIS MOODY POST...

CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW
FREAKING CUTE THIS IS?!

If you follow me on Instagram, I previewed a little trip to Terrain in Glen Mills. Along with being a super cute shop, it's where I made a new friend over the summer. So it's a pretty swell place. While I was there, I picked up a few goodies for a little project I've been wanting to do for a little while.

The terrarium was used as a ring holder for our little ceremony a few months ago. At the time, I filled it with baby's breath and some fresh greens that eventually dried out. So at Terrain, I picked up a pot of this luscious nettle thinking it will look lovely flowing out of the terrarium. The glass unicorn was a gift from Mama Coombs that paired nicely with a little quartz cluster I had laying around. I finished it off with some foraged finds of little hemlock pinecones and a sprig of dried hydrangea flowers.

Fingers crossed for its survival in my dry/weird-tempered apartment.

YES, THE TITLE OF THIS POST IS A LOTR REFERENCE
DEAL WITH IT

THIS MUST BE IT...

December 31, 2016

This year is going out with a bang.
Princess Leia died. Mercury is in retrograde. It's the weird week between Christmas and New Year.
We're all in that moment of reflection of the past year and the apprehension of the coming one.

To be honest, I'm not sad to see this year go. The world is in a very weird place (politically/socially). Too many celebrities died (not that I think anyone should be put on a pedestal more than others). Goodbyes were made (some sad, others not-so-much).

But to balance the scales, a lot of great things have happened. I have reconnected with old friends. Made a few great new friends. The unicorn within me revealed itself for a few short months (it's currently in hibernation mode). Hiked a few great trails. Received a new tattoo to add to the collection. Knocked off Acadia National Park and Walden Pond from the bucket list. Moved to a new town. Saw my spirit animal. Got a pretty NICE ROCK from a pretty amazing man.

SO MMXVI. NOT TOO BAD.

If you've been reading this little blog of mine for awhile. I did a half year UPDATE on the INTENTIONS I set for 2016. For the most part, I think I did pretty well. I wasn't perfect by any means. I accomplished a lot on that list. But it was overwhelming. For this coming year, I'm going to only set a one word intention for 2017...

MINDFUL-

1. ATTENTIVE, AWARE, OR CAREFUL

2. NOTING OR RELATING TO THE PSYCHOLOGICAL TECHNIQUE OF MINDFULNESS

To make a one word intention for the year lets my 2017 manifest in the way it is intended to. The Type A human inside of screams at that notion, but the other part of me is excited for the relief in letting go. To observe, be present, and just be.

WELCOME TO THE NEW YEAR

MMXVI : HALFWAY THERE

June 23, 2016

Hey. It's been awhile.

There has been a lot of changes going around. Some major. Some not so much. But I figured I would give you an update about how the year is going since we somehow the year is halfway gone. At the beginning of the year I made this list of INTENTIONS (like everyone else and their mom did) and well....

Life Happened.

Not that it feels like I've done much in the grand scope of things (I probably have). But that's okay. Nothing ever really plans out the way you think they would. Life is this beautiful adventure of windy roads and breathtaking moments. And instead of being discouraged, I feel motivated to accomplish more of what I intended to get done this year. Even a small step forward is a step in a good direction.

This will be a very wordy post. I'm sprinkling in some rando pictures to keep those visual-only people interested. But, it's my life and my journey so far this year. Anyways. You have been warned.

MOVE TO PORTLAND

This is one of the sadder things that I have had to come to terms with. Not that Portland is off the board by any means. Just not this year. It's probably the better decision, but it doesn't make the situation any less disappointing. HOWEVER, I will be moving out of my parent's home this fall, so that will be exciting and I am beyond eager for the next chapter in my life.

DEVOTE MORE TIME TO MORNINGS

Seriously morning people, how in the world do you do this? You early birds need to teach me your ways and tell me your secrets. Sleep is just too sweet. Although I do have to give myself some credit. I have figured out an efficient, 5 minute basic beauty routine that gets me out the door relatively on time. AND my road rage has been kept to a minimum since the beginning of this year. So, there's a plus.

GET BACK INTO PHOTOGRAPHY

Finally something that I actually have been actively working on. If you have been reading this lately, you will notice that in my LAST POST I have required a Fujifilm Instax Wide 300. And I have been using it a bit lately. If you ask anyone, they will tell you that instant film is super fun because 1. for its nostalgia and 2. the instant satisfaction without going digital. But for me, it makes me be more aware of what I'm photographing. There's only one shot and one moment, then it's gone, never to happen in the exact same way again. I guess it's more of a commentary of how I want to be living life. To be more purposeful and deliberate. That every action I make or word I say has an effect and a weight to it. There's responsibility in that.

Woah. Deep.

Anyways. This weekend, the boyfriend and I will be heading to Acadia National Park. I'm hoping to wipe off the dust from my 35mm and old (like really old, haven't touched it since sophmore year of college old) DSLR and put them to work. So that's fun. I'm thinking about getting a new digital set up later this year, but we'll see.

START LEARNING FRENCH

Yeah. This one I haven't even touched. I've used Duolingo in the past and all I know is how to say "le chat noir" and "je mange une orange" (nailed it). However, my best friend is moving to Paris for a year or two. So that's kinda french related. Kinda bummed about it because she'll be so far away, but I am super stoked for her and this new opportunity. Oh and another french related thing. I recently watched "The Steak Revolution" on Netflix (it's ace, you should watch it) and that's mostly french. Maybe I'll continue to watch french documentaries and just soak in the language (I know that's not how it works). Any one have any tips on how to learn a new language? Get at me!

SPEAK LESS, DO MORE

Alright we're weighing out the good with the bad as we go through this list! I added this to my MMXVI Intentions list because I felt like I was all talk without having anything to back it up. The laundry list of things I wanted to do kept piling up without getting any of it done. It was that type of scenario at the end of MMXV. So this year, I got out more. I went on more hikes and chased a few waterfalls. I started making more. Instead of leaving these ideas as figments of my imagination, I have created a few things that I can't wait to share with you when they're all done.

I could say that it is also because of this bullet point that you haven't really heard much from me. But that would only be partially true. I'll try to at least do weekly updates to the Fieldnotes from here on out.

SHOP SMALL OR SUSTAINABLE ONLY

In my effort to be more deliberate in all aspects of my life, I added this to my list. If I'm being honest, I haven't been shopping small/sustainable/ethical 100%. I currently am debating on these two tops from H&M I bought last week in a last minute buy. I'm trying to weigh out if they would pass the WEAR30 RULE (I'll probably be returning them). The only other things that I have purchased this year were a pair of UNEEK sandals by KEEN, sage toner and an exfoliating mask from Fat & the Moon, a dress from ASOS that is made from vintage fabric, another dress from Skargorn that's made in LA, organic cotton underwear from H&M's Conscious Collection, and pre-ordered my first pair of rigid denim. Which sounds like a lot, but for someone who used to spend too much on throwaway junk, it's refreshing that most of my purchases this year has been responsible shopping.

HIKE A BIT OF THE APPALACHIAN TRAIL

Although it wasn't as much as I wanted to. I guess I can technically cross this off my list. On the way back from a hike at Dingman's Ferry with my brother, we stopped by this little overlook in Bangor that we had to hike about 2 miles of the AT to get to.

VISIT ACADIA NATIONAL PARK

The boyfriend and I are leaving tomorrow! We are so stoked for this adventure.

CLIFF DIVE OFF PEACE ROCK

Summer isn't anywhere close to being over. I'm already making plans to cross this off the list.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

I'm not really sure how to measure this. I guess I can say that I have had more positive and good vibes this year. Being thankful for at least three things daily. Finding joy in every moment and stillness in the chaos. I'm taking care of my body and mind with yoga and healthy eating.

READ DAILY

Well lately I've been doing better with this one. Whether it's reading fellow blogs or slowly knocking off books from the READING LIST, I'm reading almost every day. I added another one of my favorites to the list: The Neverending Story. It's definitely helping me get back into the habit.

I'm looking forward to the next half of the year. I can feel it in my bones that there will be great big changes ahead.

READING LIST

January 19, 2016

So I mentioned in my last post that one of my MMXVI INTENTIONS was to "Read Daily". Part of that is to be in The Word daily, through either devotionals or just trying to see what God has to say to me. But the other part of that is to really get back into reading. It used to be one of my favorite things to do when I was growing up, but ever since the birth of social media and general growing up, it has become something I never made time for. In the past year, I have probably only read 5 books max, when before it would be like 25 books during summer break (#nerdalert).

I have a bit of Reading ADD. Meaning, I never really just read one book at a time, more like 3 or more. Granted, WALDEN by Henry David Thoreau is a mainstay, but I'm excited about this particular copy that I found this past month in a really cool book shop in Easton, PA.

To be more honest with myself, I'll be writing posts here and there with where I am in each book. I hope to share with you how it strikes a chord in my soul or is inspiring products for WALDEN&co.

So here is my current reading list: